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I was watching a great personal development DVD this past week, where the guy on the video (Dr. Topher Morrison) was contrasting traditional forgiveness versus absolute forgiveness.

I found his contrast and subsequent explanation very profound and it led me to one of those A-ha! “lightbulb” moments, which I feel I just have to share with you.

 

The Difference Between Traditional Forgiveness Versus Absolute Forgiveness

So, what is the difference between traditional forgiveness versus absolute forgiveness? Well, suppose I had a friend called John, who did me a wrong, for which I forgave him.

Traditional forgiveness would go something like this:

“John, I’ve been doing some thinking… (long pause) … and I’ve decided to forgive you.”

And then we would throw in a clause:

“What you did was still very wrong! And you cut me deep! But I forgive you.”

Then there’s absolute forgiveness, which would go something like this:

“John, I just wanted to thank you for being in my life and for being you.”

Did you see the difference there between traditional forgiveness versus absolute forgiveness?

With traditional forgiveness, it’s all about you/me, and how wronged we were by the other person. There’s very often, if not always, that clause we throw in at the end that’s meant to remind the person how bad they’ve been and how righteous we are. It’s quite sanctimonious really, isn’t it?

Gratitude ~ The Key To Absolute Forgiveness

On the other hand, absolute forgiveness comes from appreciation for the fact that everything in our life’s experience has the potential to benefit us, in the long run. And in many cases, that benefit is in the form of a life lesson. And it also always provides us with an opportunity towards greater self awareness; a chance to discover the hidden, inner me/you.

That’s something to be grateful for. When we come to realise that even when someone wrongs us, they’re providing us with an opportunity to learn something about ourselves; our strengths, weaknesses, our fears, short-fallings, our inner most desires that we didn’t before acknowledge then we can see that actually that person who wronged us is actually doing us a service, rather than a dis-service. And that’s something to be grateful for.

And when we come to this realisation, then suddenly we become grateful for that embezzling business partner, cheating spouse, school bully, terranical boss, etc. We are then operating from a much higher plain of awareness. This is very liberating!

After I had watched the DVD, I started thinking back to 5 years ago, when I was being bullied by the management team in the organisation I was working in at that time. I started thinking about each of those managers whom I had for so long resented and held responsible for my depression and anxiety of that time. I started asking myself a lot of searching questions, which in turn helped me to see those individuals from a different perspective. I actually started feeling love & appreciate for each one of those managers!!

For the first time in 5 years, I was able to finally let go of the resentment that I had held onto for so long. At last! I was free!

So, how about you? Perhaps you have held onto hurt feelings, resentments, etc. Maybe you thought you had forgiven the person/people who wronged you, but were still holding onto those hurt feelings.

If that is the case, then I would sincerely encourage you to contrast traditional forgiveness versus absolute forgiveness and how it applies to your own situation. Consider the benefits of absolute forgiveness. Finally, let go and you ~ like me ~ will feel free and liberated from the pain that may have continued within you, and which was holding you back from avenues of your own personal growth that you had previously felt to be out of reach.

This lesson in Traditional Forgiveness Versus Absolute Forgiveness is just one of the many gems that you can discover in Topher Morrison’s, “The Mental Game of Life,” which you can (and I highly recommend you do) purchase for yourself by visiting TopherMorrison.com.